Dear Shelly:

As expected (by me), of course you are grieving the good things that you did experience with him, the love that was there, the possibility that was for more love.

Love is what you need, to love and be loved in return. Only it can’t all happen in the bubble we talked about. Best if … next relationship, you choose a man with no minor children and if he has older children, see to it that they are independent and he is not supporting them financially. So you minimize the triggers this way, your suffering outside the bubble (outside the good times).

But even with minimizing the triggers there will be hard times, some suffering…even if the man was most un-triggering…

What I am leading to is to giving you my suggestion to keep yourself positive in this difficult time: focus on healing, your own healing. It is an opportunity for you to attend to your old wounds.

And at the same time, be easy on yourself. Soothe and calm yourself in ways that work… anything from hot baths (my practice) to exercise and maybe slow, mindful movements practices like yoga and Tai Chi. These will help calm you and make it possible for you to proceed with healing…

Please post again and I do understand your pain, the loss. You can write more about what it is you lost, it may help, or not… you can try it, if you’d like.

My best wishes to you!!!
anita