Hi, B, while I admit he sounds insecure, my husband is a very confident man. He just seems to fall apart at times because he isn’t getting sufficient affection from me and I admit that at times I am put off by all the wanting of affection, the neediness puts me off. But I think its because all we do is spend time together and it frustrates me so that I push him away. Sometimes I just want some alone time or to hang out with my friends but he gets so upset by this and then I feel a little more closed off and sad. It is like he is shutting down a part of me, a part of me that is social and loves to hang out with my girlfriends, that is a part of me, how can he deny me that?

Just feels like a revolving door, where he wants attention and I want to push him away, I enjoy all the little moments I have to myself since that is all I have. When he falls asleep or is busy on the phone I feel a breath of relief. Well I try to get him to understand how I feel and what I need to be able to give him attention, he seems to it dismiss it as selfish. It makes me so mad and then I further push him away. Then I just can’t seem to bring myself out of it, as much I understand I create this cycle as well, he doesn’t seem to want to understand his part on he creates this problem as well.

Wow I am starting to read that link you sent me, seems very accurate on the anxious and avoidant issues. I do feel I am more anxious about giving love at times but I am also very self aware and try to put myself out of this anxious feelings but at the same time, I need my some time for myself. I need separate time for me, my love starts from me. He doesn’t seem to want to understand my feelings and just makes his a priority on this issue.