hello B

Well just had a long talk with the hubby about my feelings and he seemed sooo sad and down. It does feel like his feelings are tied to our relationship specifically, it doesn’t seem he can just be happy for himself. I understand we are happy together but he doesn’t get happy on his own. He gets so sad whenever I bring this issue up about me wanting to hang out with my friends or wanting to spend time alone.

He seems insecure about being on his own with his own free time, like he seems lost. He is from Ohio, did live in San Diego for a few years but doesn’t know anyone else besides me and family, two friends. I am trying to suggest hanging out with his one friend he did make while at work, they seem to get along really well so I push him to invite him out.

I am going to try suggesting on him finding activities and meetings to attend to meet people, it sounds like a good idea. And would be great for me to have some time on my own. I really like the idea of having separate things planned in the day and then planning something nice in the evening for us, I will try suggesting that when he is more cheerful than at the time being.

Yes I agree, it does seems like he wants specific quality time to soothe his needs and affection, I understand that more clearly now and will make more of an effort for that. I just wish he would see that he needs to put effort into making himself happy on his own as well. He has come to live with me in California but it doesn’t seem like he wants to make an effort to be out and about town without me. I know it is tough for him, being somewhere new and without his network of family and friends but I want him to be integrated to where he lives now because he should be happy where he is. I don’t quite understand this attachment to me because from getting to know him in the beginning, he seemed like a very independent person, fun, lively, outgoing and had many friends but now he makes it about me and him only.

Well I am glad you were able to work yourself through your attachment issue, that you were able to recognize what you needed to work on. It takes a lot courage to admit that and a good self awareness. Of course I understand a relationship is two person thing but a lot of it does come from being good with ourselves. I hope he can see that and be able find what makes him happy for him in his new home.