Roxanna you sound like a very level-headed and kind-hearted person. I hope you two are able to work it out. I definitely think you could both benefit from couples therapy or especially individual therapy for him. A good therapist does the same or more to help an individual with attachment issues learn how to form a strong, secure attachment using their relationship with their therapist as a model example.

I hope I didn’t make it seem like this is all on you and that you’re responsible for him feeling this way in any bit! You deserve to have your needs for space met too, and it’s very important that you both harbor your own interests and relationships, though every couple is unique in the balance they strike between what they share and what they keep independent. I think some people will always want more or less, even when they overcome their initial insecurities, and that is totally ok. Clear communication is a must to make these things work.

I think it is good that you are willing to help him see that he needs to rediscover the happiness that is sourced from within him. You said he was initially very independent and lively. Remind him of that if you can, and that you are not going anywhere right now, while he works on himself to find that happiness again. I remember thinking “what has happened to that?” reflecting on my past independence and happiness. It is sad when you give that to someone else to be responsible for, and scary when you don’t even realize that you have until it has already happened. Not feeling connected to others and have a support network is also a big factor, like you mention.

Ideally you eventually find a compromise that you are both happy with, but it will take him more effort to become more conscious of what is happening to him too. Patience goes a long way here 🙂