Hi Anita,
I think that’s an interesting perspective. When she has bickered with my dad to hang out with me it’s not in front of me. I have overheard them from another room talking about it. I don’t think she knows that I have heard them before so she wouldn’t have known that her pressuring him was causing me distress.
As for your comment about me worrying about her being defensive that struck home. The last time I confronted her about a behavior issue she said it was all in my head. She has used words like that or “i’m sorry I’m not perfect” and other similar phrases. She’s normally not a manipulative person but when she gets confronted she becomes one. I guess I don’t feel safe confronting her about this because I think I will feel stupid and really embarrassed.