Hi Anita,
Thank you for your concern. I’m alright. I’m aware that my mom isn’t perfect so that image has long shattered. That tidbit is awakening because I had thought I felt safe going to her for anything. In most cases, yes I do feel comfortable going to her. It’s not black and white with her. There are times when she is apologetic and then times when she becomes manipulative and defensive when I confront her with an issue. I guess what sucks is the inconsistency. It is easier and feels safer to go up to my dad and express my feelings because he’s pretty consistent with his responses. I don’t usually feel stupid with him. With my mom I risk feeling like a crazy person if I confront her with an issue. I remember there was a confrontation between my mom and I and I had wrote her a letter about it with the intention of giving it to her, but never did. I believe now I didn’t want to risk feeling crazy. A couple months ago we had an argument and I expressed my anger when she has said those things, especially when she has told me “it’s in my head.” She eventually did apologize, but she doesn’t remember saying that to me. I think she believes that if she apologizes consistently it means she is a bad mom because she keeps on making mistakes. I wish she knew that everyone makes mistakes including her and that she is only human and actually that’s a sign of strength.
On a slightly different note, I feel that with your last post you are starting to border into telling me this is how my parents are only getting a glimpse from my perspective about their behavior. I appreciate your support, but I need to draw my own conclusions about their behavior for myself.