Dear alexa87:

First advice that comes to my mind and quite urgently is: no more kids. Please. By any person in the story you shared.

Second: It is unfortunate, that you are in this situation. When he said the hurtful things he said and then apologized, said he was sorry, that doesn’t take away the pain caused by his words. He may think, conveniently, that his “I am sorry” makes everything good but not so. It hurt when you heard it and then you remember it. You can’t help but remember it. It is not your choice to remember it. If it was, wouldn’t we choose to forget so much…?

So “I am sorry” doesn’t cut it. And then, when he feels good, he is nice; when he feels upset, well, watch out. This is not right: he should not be abusive no matter how he feels. Otherwise, you can never relax, can you, not knowing the next time he gets upset…

When you wrote he got the help he needed regarding his drug taking, what kind of help was it? One of the 12 step programs, like AA? If he attends such a group, maybe you can get involved in such and maybe he can be taught there to not abuse you no matter how he feels, just as he hopefully learned there to not take drugs no matter how he feels.

What do you think about what I wrote so far?

anita