Dear Anita,
What you said does ring true: the literal weakening of strong neuron pathways and also betraying myself in order to make sure my mom’s image isn’t tarnished. It’s conflicting because my mom and I can have these deep conversations and she has apologized sincerely (more so as she has gotten older). She has been there for me emotionally and physically at my lowest points and have supported me in my endeavors, yet I’m starting to realize most of my life my “negative” (anger, sadness, annoyance, frustration, irritation…) feelings towards her weren’t validated or on the rare occasion that they were, we would have to go through these long, heated arguments in order for them to be. Long story short, I just wanted to have them recognized whether she agreed or not. I wanted to feel heard and seen when I expressed these certain emotions, not twisted to feel bad or worse crazy.
By the way, I appreciate your patience and taking on this challenge 🙂