Dear Jessie A:

I like your straightforward, direct talk/ sharing: honest, simple, easy to understand. And this tells me that your thinking is working right. You are pretty clear about what is going on and taking responsibility for your feelings and actions.

This is my input: your primary responsibility is to promote your own well being. There is no minor child involved in what you shared, therefore no responsibility above your responsibility to yourself.

You wrote that he gets drunk 4-5 days a week. That by itself makes a relationship impossible, at least for anyone who is not drunk on the same days and times. The fact that he is drunk so often and consistently, for so many years, in my opinion relieves you from a lot of otherwise to be considered “sins” in a relationship, “cheating” that is.

Wow, did I just type that? Yes, I did! Will I get hell for it (in this life and this forum)- likely. And if there are enough readers to this, definitely.

Am I going to edit the above because of expected criticism? Well, as you are reading this, you know the answer…

Back to issue, Jessie A: Don’t you think best option is to leave this marriage? If there are financial considerations, maybe live separately from him, even in the same house, living as roommates only? I would say your responsibility to him and to yourself is to not be involved sexually with your husband and preferably, to not have him as your “husband” anymore.

What do you think so far? We can talk more about the feeling used part with the other man or men.

anita