God bless all three of you for responding to me. You all have no idea how grateful I am to you guys.

Dear Seaisland:

I am so sorry hear about what happened to you. You are beyond strong and admirable. You deserve the best. I completely agree with how you feel about this. I guess for me, in order to focus on me, I feel that I need to forgive him so I can forget and move on. Due to all the damage, I want to forget. I want the bad to be a lesson, and the good to become a childhood memory. I guess I want to feel forgiveness to start with a fresh mind. You know?

Dear Paul Coleman:

You are so right. I mean 100%. I ask the “why” question everyday. Every time I think of him, it’s “why”. Why did he do this? How could he do this? Yes, the answer is right in front of me. The immaturity, the free life, etc is the answer. But I’m looking for that cosmic answer which doesn’t exist. I can ask him why, and hell tell me that it is unintentional towards me. I ask his best friend why and he gives me this huge speech about how it was never personal and how he does still truly love me more than anything but he has to take responsibility for his actions. Yet I’m still asking “why”. That pondering has made it almost as an overwhelming addiction to find this unrealistic answer. I’m a step-by-step kind of person which in a way kind of is OCD for me because I have to know step-by-step how to handle things. I am definitely taking your advice.

Dear anita:

You are right.. For me, I’ve always been the positive peace makers in my friends and families live. I have this point of view: I only have 1 life to live, and I want the people I love to be a part of it. I don’t want drama. I don’t need drama. I don’t want to waste my life away in pain and sorrow. I spent most of my life like that. I have maybe 60 years left if I’m blessed and I want those 60 years to be at least worth it. I know that is very optimistic, but I don’t want to die hating my first love. We have this amazing connection that is still there. Although things are damaged and we probably will never get back together, I don’t want to hate him and be mad at him.. I have a lot I need to work on. Lol!