Dave wow thank you so much for replying. Seriously. Great to see perspective from him/the other side. Would you mind answering what/why you drank? Was it because of her/your marriage? I hope that he can get help for himself. He’s a great man, I mean that, and I would love to have a relationship with him but I do feel that because of my disdain for his drinking and how I react to it, it has also caused him to be frustrated/upset, whatever else with me. I don’t want to give him an ultimatum, I feel like I am giving myself the ultimatum, whether to stay with him or not. It sucks. And I don’t want to continue to seek affection/passion/feelings/attention outside of my marriage. I would love to have it with him but if he is not capable then I feel I have to be good to myself and him to leave. What I expect and need and to give him what he doesn’t need, a cheating wife.