Hi Anita,

Thank you for reposting 🙂 Let me see if I can answer this.

The outside perspective here I suppose would mostly be from my peers and my family. My peers (my coworkers) look at my life as wonderful, however, they dont know too much about it in depth. My family is a double edged sword. I always look to them for advice and often come out feeling just a bit more anxious. My father’s advice to me was first “it looks like youre over the relationship and trying to find out” and then “just chill. experience is never wasted time if he doesnt end up being the one you marry. every guy you have been with is an improvement of the last. you are special..etc..”. My sister told me “It sounds to me like he is depressed. You need to be more supportive of him. Relationships are give and take and you need to support one another. Right now, he is the one who needs the support. Then, after, you can bring up your needs”. This was her advice after I had told her that I havent been happy in a long time and this is the first time in years I have been this happy..making it difficult for me to be around someone who is struggling. Then I spoke to my nanny (from childhood) who told me it’s likely a cause of living with him too soon and that these fears could subside when I move into my new place.

Internally is the constant fear that I am making the wrong choice. I am not the most decisive person, and it’s especially bad in my relationships. I tend to be 110% or nothing in my relationships. Im either way too in, losing myself in the process, or completely uninterested in which case I break up immediately. I consulted a psychiatrist for some time who has put me on zoloft to help ease my anxiety (I used to get daily frequent panick attacks). He told me that I have an overactive fight-or-flight response and that I need to work through relationship problems before I give up on them. Is this person kind, supportive, attractive to me, a friend, etc? If the answer is yes, he told me I should not prematurely end it. That often times I create problems that are not there, which is entirely true. A great example is that my boyfriend asked me yesterday about wanting to travel, and I told him I cant go anywhere for a year or two while I try to secure a full-time job. He was understanding but disappointed, and I instantly started wondering if we were are different points in our lives and the relationship would fail.

Does this help to clarify? I know I can be a bit neurotic and at times I lose focus in my stream-of-consciousness replies 🙂