Thank you – honestly I appreciate both your help 🙂 funny thing is you two sound like exactly what’s going on in my mind – one side (Anita) telling me she’s purposely hurting me and there’s no way of looking past it and then the other (Dina) telling me it’s me and that I should see it all more clearly without the insecurities.

Anita – thank you. I don’t believe she intentionally tries to hurt me to be honest although that’s how it feels. She’s a bit clumsy with her words and speaks without thinking. She’s told me how she used to be lonely in the past and she’s never had any friends which is something she’s craved – just meaningful friends and acquaintances . Thus, whenever someone shows kindness she finds it hard to not be the same back. She’s possibly one of the kindest and most generous soul you’ll ever meet.

Dina – God knows where I’ve found you but thank you greatly. Almost everything you’ve said is how my girlfriend described it to me – that the game was nothing and it was just because work was so boring that she made it up to kill some time. One thing I left out of my original post is that I know 100% that as fun as she may have found him, she’d never cheat on me and he would never do anything like that out of respect. Me and him spoke not so long ago – he didn’t sound at all bitter and if anything, encouraged me that what we had was good and I should put a ring on her finger! I guess hearing about her getting close to another guy bothered me – friend or no friend.

After it all happened, I did speak to her and put it bluntly like you said. I told her what she’d done to hurt me and how it bothered me – she cried, told me she’d regret it forever and that she’d never seen it that way and the only reason she’d talk about him is because she thought I knew he was a friend and she’d never go for him, let alone have any romantic feelings towards him. She promised to not ensue any other closeness with other guys or mention them – that she was quite happy with me being the only guy she ever gets close with, telling me she needs no-one else. I can’t seem to let go of the past though? If she had played this game with any other guy but this guy she kept talking about, I doubt it would’ve bothered me as much.

Regarding the beginning of our relationship – that’s what she also explained. With both of us being Muslims, dating is practically forbidden and she explained how she wanted me to make her feel more reassured and that what we had was worth breaking all her rules/practices for – that one day it may lead to marriage. She’s a hopeless romantic and I was her first whereas I’d had countless relationships before, just not with a Muslim girl as I knew what it’d mean. I took a chance on her and that’s why it breaks me so much when I think how much I’ve bettered/changed myself to be ready and the guy who could give her what she wants.

You said you suffer from insecurities yourself – how do you get past them? If I want to get past this how would I go about it? Sometimes it feels easier to just believe the worst and let her go but I honestly don’t want no-one else.

Thank you again,
Adam