@seekingsatisfaction: 🙂 I’m glad – honestly. Your post was as if my girlfriend herself had written it up and trying to make me see sense!

That’s true – my fear is if I was to break up this relationship is that I’d carry these new thoughts and fears into my next relationship as I said to Anita. I don’t want to be that guy that controls his girlfriend and doesn’t allow her to have/speak about other friends. Again, as I mentioned to Anita, this is probably the first relationship which has meant a great deal to me with the others being flings – so communicating has and will help. After we talked she definitely understands how much it’s all bothered me and sounds keen to rectify her mistakes as I’ve explained.

I’ll definitely try that – I know she’s not meant to hurt me by the things she’s said/done but I completely feel the same in that I feel ‘angry/upset/irrational’ at times. Once I feel like that I feel obliged to make her hurt in exactly the same way which is a personality trait of myself I hate. I can’t stand being hurt, especially not by the people I hold closest to me. This is the same in all my relationships – be it my parents, friends or girlfriend. A personal question: After he’s giving you a sane and loving explanation, how do you get over the things he’s done that have hurt in the past when anxiety keeps creeping in?

Thank you – you’ve made me see it clearer especially with the sacrifices she’s made. When I did talk to her bluntly about it, she did tell me that I shouldn’t expect her to just know; she’s not a mind reader which is true. She laid out plans that whenever either of us felt hurt/upset, we’d not just assume the other person knows and rather speak to one and other – not attach blame or assume the other person intentionally set out to hurt but to hep understand what they meant.

The thing is when she has hurt me in the past with the jealousy at the beginning and guy at work; I’ve held onto them and it feels like I’ll never move on at times. Whilst right now we’re doing what you’ve suggested in giving it time, deciding to speak less and give each other some space, I’m not sure if I’m slowly moving on and getting used to the idea of not being with her; without her I feel alot calmer and anxiety free yet I can’t see myself moving on with anyone else. Whereas when I’m with her, I feel at my happiest but soon after my anxiety and fears return.
If you read my reply to Anita you’ll see I can really relate to what you said in your post ‘Why can’t I be satisfied?’ – looking for excuses to leave and always having doubts whoever I’m with. The question of magically ‘just knowing’ is something that really makes me question! But like I said, I’ve not been with a girl before who makes me as happy, understands me or care for me as much as she does.

I appreciate the time you’ve spent to help massively – both you and Anita 🙂

Thanks, Adam