Dear Adam:

Yes, that relationship where the woman cheated on you may very well be part of the problem. I don’t see any way it can not be part of the problem. That experience has been recorded in your brain. It is part of your past now and has changed you some.

I want to point to something else: you minimize the behavior on the part of your girlfriend, as if it means nothing because she didn’t mean to hurt you. Reality is that it did hurt you. I happened to talk with a man about this issue: the girlfriend… or wife, talking in glowing terms about another man. The man I talked to said to me that he knows how it feels, that it was “very painful” for him. Her intents are irrelevant to the fact that in real life, this kind of behavior is hurtful. So, your hurt is understandable and I wouldn’t minimize it. For your own well being and for the chances of a good relationship with this woman, I suggest that you don’t minimize it.

anita