Dear Kman:

A key sentence for me in your post, the most revealing sentence is: “I had to beg her a million times over the relationship not to break up with me (everytime we got into any fight)”- this is very, very significant to my understanding.

And this is my input: no person is perfect. The fact that you missed the airplane on purpose, under distress (you didn’t think calmly about it and decided to miss it when calm), does not mean … that her imperfections are gone. People often miss this point, as I have in the past. Nobody is perfect and it is not a reason to ignore another person’s significant … imperfections.

When she threatened to break up with you again and again..”a million times” – this is a significant problem that she owns, not you. It is a pattern of behavior that is problematic and has nothing to do with you missing that one flight. See: a pattern vs missing one flight.

If I was you, if I chose to communicate with her, I would shine the light on this very pattern on her part and bring it to the forefront of communication. I would ask her: what is (this pattern) about? Why do you do that… etc. And check and see how she reacts. Does she own her behavior, that is, does she take responsibility for it? Have insight about it? And… does she have empathy for you about how this pattern hurts you? Is she willing to change it?

And you decide from there.

Please post again:

anita