Dear Adam92:

I too greatly value trust, how can one do without it? It would be a nightmare… and isn’t it almost like a nightmare to you, Adam92, not knowing if she will do it again, compare you, replace you with another guy …even if it will be “only” verbal? Why, verbal has been bad enough, even more hurtful to you, hasn’t it, than being physically cheated by the previous girlfriend?

I suppose you keep thinking about your girlfriend and other guys, past or future, because you don’t trust her anymore to no longer hurt you. So part of you wants to ensure you will not be hurt by reminding you again and again: “Look she hurt me! She will do it again! I don’t want to be hurt again!!!

My previous point, it is not important her intent to the fact that her behavior already hurt you and damaged your trust in her. Trust in her not hurting you again, that is. This is not a finished business with you, her hurting you like she did.

She did what she did, talked about other guys and there are consequences for what she did. She did it, not you. I think you are blaming yourself for being hurt by a behavior that was, in reality, hurtful.

One thing is clear in my mind: if she does this again, talk about another guy in glowing terms, it has to be over. Don’t you agree? If you have the patience and the motivation to be with her still, notice this kind of behavior on her part, notice if it occurs and do not dismiss it. She has more than enough information to know that this behavior is hurtful.

You are overthinking this because you are afraid to be hurt again… and you are already hurt. It hurts now and you don’t want to be vulnerable again.

Would you like to tell me more about your girlfriend? You wrote earlier that she is the kindest soul I will ever meet. How is it so?

anita