Hi Anita,
It’s good to hear from you too! You phrased the authentic piece well. When I’m around him my demeanor changes. I’m not sure if my family notices, but I definitely do. Suddenly I can’t think of anything to say whereas before I didn’t even have to think. Words would flow. I fight my voice becoming lower and fight against trying to lower myself. Now I don’t do it as much as before since he has gotten better, but I’m still very hesitant around him. There have been times where all seems well and then he will just mutter something to me and I’m knocked over unexpectedly. I didn’t see it coming. It usually is determined whether he feels good or not so I find myself hoping he’s in a good mood. When he gets mad, sad, envious…he lashes out at people to try to make them lower so he can feel better. I have tried to overly be nice to him, irrationally thinking that if I’m so nice he will recognize his ways which didn’t work. He is so charming it can be sickening. He has told people in the past what he feels about them to their face and they still like him, he can be that good (and he knows it). So essentially he will say something messed up in a nice way. I felt crazy when he would do that. The more insecure he feels the more he will dig at that person. Since we are siblings and have opposite personalities (different strengths and weaknesses) if I behave more like myself it triggers in him one of his weaknesses and he will lash out. One of our biggest differences is that I internalize most things and the first thing I think of is that I did something wrong whereas he externalizes and thinks the other person did something wrong.