Dear Ladybug:

I think your observations and analysis are excellent! One such is that you internalize, thinking you did something wrong, and he externalizes, points to another that they did something wrong! I know this dynamic personally and from my personal experience, I too learned (wish I learned it earlier than I did!) that being nice to a person pointing the finger (of blame and aggression) at me does not change this dynamic, only strengthens it.

My thoughts: The dynamic of aggression, the dance of aggression in a family, not different than that in a herd of elks (so many around where I live), it is quite biological, locking horns and fighting -like (not fighting till death), a winner, a loser and the one to mate with the females is determined. In the elks case. In the context of a human family, here is that dynamic. So, what do you do? Fight or submit…?

anita