Reading your post was the reason I created an account.

It is so scarily similar to what has been going on with me. The way your wife appears to feel about her life, and her relationship with you and your child…seems to be a mirror of what I have been living. Except I am in her position and not yours. All the things you said that she has told you, her behaviors, others noticing a change…it was like reading about myself.

I have been with my partner since we were teenagers (16). He is the only guy I have ever been with. We have two young kids. The last 12-18months have been an incredibly trying time for me personally, and from the sounds of things, you and my partner are very similar in the way you have handled the situation. Reaffirming your loving feelings and offering support.

Personally, I think that I lost myself in motherhood…we got stuck in this routine and I think i checked out mentally from family life a long time ago. Even small things seemed unachievable to me. Everything felt like too much effort for too little reward, and I stopped trying. There was no joy in anything I was doing or planning, and no excitement about future plans or options. I began to hate this role, this life…and amongst all of that I acknowledged this thought that I had fallen out of love with my partner. I was incredibly lonely and have very few friends, let alone ones I would consider talking to about this kind of topic.

I turned to the internet to fill that loneliness, chatting online frequently. One person in particular I seemed to click with right away. He lives almost as far away from me as you can get, and we’ve never met, but I have been having an emotional affair with him for months. The whole thing sucks. I feel guilt at home because I just can’t seem to engage in family life. I feel crazy for the way I feel about this person I’ve never even met in real life, and yet can’t seem to stop, don’t want to stop. I really feel like I love him, and not my partner. I too have this sense that I have broken something fundamental. That it can’t be fixed…and I doubt whether I want to fix it. I get lost in scrutinizing everything, feelings, past events, past decisions…I’ve really muddied the waters.

Its like an identity crisis…I feel unhappy with where I am and I looked to the past for explanation. I found fault with so many of my decisions, and managed to color my memories of how things were with the feelings I am currently experiencing. I feel like I have to DO something and figure myself out, and it feels as if to do that I have to reject and break away from the things in my past…and possibly because this link with my partner is part of that…I want that broken too.

I’m sorry, I don’t think this really adds anything to the conversation. Its as I said; The similarities were just too much for me not to reply…and as I am still in it, i can offer nothing conclusive. I am paralyzed by self-doubt. Sometimes I feel so guilty that I just want to leave. I look at what my behavior puts my partner and my kids through and feel that they would be so much better off without me.

Also wanted to add that I agree with Anita’s post about responsibility.