Dear Ann87:

It is okay: I was okay reading your long message. It wasn’t too long and not at all confusing to me.

It is clear to me, having processed your posts in my brain, that this is not a good or healthy relationship for you. He is not interested in your thoughts, your feelings, your history..your life experience. So you understandably feel lonely, isolated. A person needs to be known and you live as if …almost as if you don’t exist.

He accused your parents for trying to manipulate you by offering you stay with them for a while and while he was accusing them of manipulating you, he manipulated you by telling you that he will break up with you if you stay with them. He also accused you of being abusive to him (did I get it right?) when the truth is that he is abusive to you, rude, disrespectful.

And you accommodated him, you adapted, as you wrote, to the relationship by… almost not existing, not being you: not sharing about yourself, about your own experience of life! This is not a way to live, shouldn’t be.

This relationship, the way you live, if you didn’t have a choice, if you were a child… but you have a choice, only I guess you feel as weak as a young child, as if you HAVE TO adapt to him and living with him and his parents, as if you have to.

Do write again. I understand that weakness, that lack of knowing you are valuable, loving and lovable. I lived that way most of my life. Recognizing it is very painful. But living it is… well, you know how it is.

Please do post again, anytime!

anita