Kate,

I do find it interesting that you have been together for 5 years before marrying. Not that i saying it’s strange or anything. But perhaps since it’s fairly early into the marriage after being together for so long, maybe your husband is dealing with certain expectations he might of had when you both married. Maybe there is this ‘pressure’ to married life he was unaware of, whether it exists or not is irrelevant, the perception it’s real is more than enough. Maybe the direction was intended to be different? Did you guys have any particular goals or directions where you wanted to go? Have either one of you drastically changed after marriage?

I don’t know if this has affected my husband but for the first few years of our relationship, it was centred on his mum and her treatment.

This might sound really really strange, but maybe the fact that life centered around his mother was the balancing act, the one thing that didn’t change, was his mother’s treatment towards him. He expected it, in a way. It’s kind of like, being given a candy for just being yourself. It’s nice, but after a couple more times you get used to it, you stop questioning why this is happening and accepting it. Eventually it becomes just a burden you accept. This is in your husband’s mind = stability (i’m just assuming, hope to be wrong). It seems to me that your husband’s mother played quite a big role, it could be because he may not of had enough closure (maybe he wanted to say something to her, tell her something?)that he feels something is off.

It’s only now that everything seems to be going right for us (job, home etc.) that this has come up

Yeah, this is great news! maybe it’s because your husband has time to catch his breath, maybe he has had time to reflect, maybe he feels he hasn’t earnt everything he has in his life now, everything from the job, to the home….even you. When your in the thick of it you go from motion to motion in order to achieve your goals, you put your head down and go for it.

Has he spoken to you again recently? Seen the counselor? I’m just trying to think of any questions to ask to understand more about this situation. I know you are confused, but you know him better than i ever could, or anyone here….has he changed? Have you changed? Sometimes the smallest of details can influence bigger ones.

What do you think?
Matty