Dear Marie:

My advice to you is: open up to your boyfriend in moderation, in small amounts here and there, not too much and too often.

Here, on this thread, you can open up as much as you feel like and go on and on. I am interested to read and can handle the information you will present here, on this forum. Your boyfriend, on the other hand, is young and anxious and can handle only so much before he gets overwhelmed. The fact that he is emotionally involved with you makes him being overly sensitive to your anxiety. So in moderation, or else he understandably gets overwhelmed, avoids or withdraws.

When you share with him about your anxiety, do so gently. Be honest and real and authentic, absolutely, but remember you are talking to a person with fear, with anxiety of his own. Let him share his anxiety with you and be each other safe place to express your fears, and comfort each other. When you share with him and he comforts you, let him know that he was helpful, that you appreciate him listening and that you appreciate his empathy and encouragement. It is very important that he does not feel helpless or useless in the face of your distress, that he feels he has a positive affect on you!

This relationship is a great opportunity for the two of you, if you are both honest with each other, to heal much of this anxiety, or at least to calm each other, and over time, the anxiety on both sides will lessen.

Please do post again and share about your relationship, if you’d like. I for one will reply every time you do. You can also share about your life otherwise, past included, as here, no moderation on your part is required!

anita