Hi Zenstrawberry,

I’m about to graduate from college and I feel this crushing sense of hopelessness and loneliness that started at the beginning of my last year in college.

This is actually pretty easy to understand, after 3 + years (depending on what you study) in the ‘system’ you have been institutionalized, given limitations and boundaries, checks and balances. When you leave, you won’t have professors, mates, tutors, student bodies etc that are in essence meant to make you feel comfortable. It’s like when i graduated school, it wasn’t this hoora that i had seen in hollywood movies, it was quite depressing, knowing i would never see many of these people ever again. No weird handshakes or house parties, just left in the car with Mum out the front gates after graduation. Sitting in my room, i was like….what now? It will take some time to adjust, but as long as you have a direction it will make the transition easier. Even if you are in the middle of finding a direction, this is still a direction 🙂 See a college counselor and ask them what they recommend doing upon completion of college. Ask other graduates or even future graduates what they are doing or want to. Learn from your peers.

The only time I feel true happiness/bliss is during yoga class but it quickly dissipates because it reminds me of my ex and I feel incredibly lonely after. I have a persistent feeling of meaninglessness and sadness.

I believe this is not only because of the breakup, nor the fact that yoga reminds you of your ex. It’s that you have lost a part of your identity. Our identity is actually constructed by the people we surround ourselves with, not solely by oneself. You were a girlfriend, now your not. You were probably other things with your ex; a lover, a friend etc. So now that he is gone, you are struggling to find something that identifies and validates who you are. Naturally you are looking for friends, looking for like minded people to connect with. You feel lost because everything that made sense, now no longer does. Your right, looking inside yourself for answers is one way. But if you don;t know what you are looking forward, then you are going to be spending a lot of time just reflecting on nothing of substance. Get a piece of paper and write your name in the middle. Write everything that you makes you WHO you are. Interests, traits, jobs, who you were in the past and present, faiths, beliefs etc. So if i put my name in the middle, for example i would put down; ex-rugby player, lover of languages, older brother, former chef, food lover, a reflector etc. You just need to identify who you are. Who are you in relation to yourself?

Whether you are more focused on inner or the outer perspective of life, it’s not static. You evolve and change based on your experiences and your perception of those experiences. So you can once again become a extrovert, externally orientated, you never lost it, it just wasn’t a priority in your relationship. Now you can make it a priority 🙂 You will never be what you once were, it’s not impossible, but you have changed, evolved, do you really want to go backwards? Become a new kind of extrovert, one that better reflects the now 😉

it seems no matter how much I try to build up my naturally exuberant, happy, highly motivated attitude back up, I just fail

Don;t pressure yourself to be happy and motivated for the sake of being happy and motivated. Pressuring yourself to feel things you don’t truly feel is not happiness, it’s superficial at best, hollow at its worst. Yoga, herbal remedies etc may ease the pain of loss , frustration and loneliness, but they do remind you of your ex. So maybe you need to find something else, something that motivates you; whether a new hobby, job, interest etc. I’m not saying stop what you are doing. But discover something new, for yourself.

Hope this helps some way, please keep posting if you have more to say or thoughts
Sincerely,
Matty