Hi John, I think you should let her be. If you can’t be friends with her, then don’t. It’s too painful for me to be friends with one of my exes, as much as his happiness makes me happy, I still really miss him some days. Other days it doesn’t bother me as much. But do what’s right for you.

Take what you can from this situation. It sucks, it’s painful. Additionally– you loved her that deeply, you’ll be able to love someone else as deeply in the future. The question is why were you scared and why did you close yourself off in the first place– and will you be able to avoid doing that in the future to someone else?

Good luck
~E