Dear dreaming715:

I would express to him your anger this one time, clearly, honestly and directly.

You were angry at him before but ignored your anger, didn’t you? You thought it will hurt your chances to having a relationship with him… maybe things will work out, you thought to yourself (?), so you pushed down the anger. A mistake. Your anger had a valid message to deliver to you when you felt it then and it still does.

I believe that the message is that you are a worthy person and you were hurt and you need to do something about it. This is why anger exists: to motivate us to correct the hurt we are feeling. It is natural.

As part of my learning process here, I would now honor my anger. Not too late. As I express my anger to him (talking, writing, your choice), I would do it this way:

1. Legally.
2. No apologies before, during or after (!)
3. No sugar coating it, no mentioning your responsibility for your participation in the interactions (this is about his behavior and he is responsible for his behavior!)
4. I would list to myself the exact behaviors on his part that were hurtful, that weren’t right and make sure that indeed he owns these behaviors, his responsibility, not yours and let him know these specific behaviors were wrong, hurt you and he is responsible for those behaviors.
5. This is not about how he would react to your expression of your anger, your assertion. It is not about what he will say. If part of you still wishes he would esteem you and a relationship will take place, do not let this interfere with this assertion. If there is a chance for a relationship, IF, an authentic expression of your anger can only help. The old ways did not help.

This may very well be personal, if you take on my suggestion, too personal to share, but if you feel comfortable with sharing part of it, part of the preparation of this communication to him, looking for my feedback, please do.

anita