Dear Ravi:

I reread your posts on this thread. And I feel sad. For you and even for her. I will clarify as I type:

You were very lonely when you started the correspondence with her, three years ago and so has she. But I will focus on you: you were lonely, alone and lonely in the context of your biological family. When your parents told you to be quiet (because the neighbor was dangerous), you got angry because (?) you need and want to be heard. You need your voice to be heard…not to be quiet, as if you don’t exist.

In that loneliness, you got your Online Family, a closer family than your biological family. And it felt wonderful to feel loved online/ text messaging. And this girl has been the closest to Family, the closest to Love. It was love for you and understandably so.

She is in a similar position, alone and lonely and afraid of her extremely conservative family. She is very limited in her …daring to form a friendship, and extremely limited in …daring to form more than a friendship. The consequences, she told you, would be dreadful for her.

In the context of online communication/ texting, she had the opportunity to love and be loved, spending nights trying to comfort you, being kind to you. And you felt so good to be loved by her… and yes, you felt possessive and angry at times.

The context of your relationship with this woman is limited and always has been limited to online/ text messaging only. With her fear of her family, there is an extremely small chance for a relationship other than what you had.

In that limited context, you are very attached to her, because this is the closest you have to being loved.

I would like to further communicate with you, for however long you would like. I will stop here though, to ask you what do you think about my understanding so far?

anita