Dear Anita, thank you so much for your kind words. I’m grateful and yes, your understanding is very much spot on for as much as I posted here. 🙂

Regarding my temper, the neighbour incident doesn’t fully cover my issue. I’ll give another example… if anyone messes around in my room or moves my things around without telling me, I tend to get extremely irked. My grandmother is extremely overprotective, that again is a number one issue for getting my temper up. Recently another close friend got somewhat jealous of my bond with the girl I love. And when she expressed it to me, I don’t know how but my temper flared up and I told her, “So what do you want? Do you consider her an obstacle, do you want that *censored* to die so I will be with you only?” I truly have started hating myself for such behaviour. It may happen once, twice… but now it’s truly turned me into a horrible person, and I’ve lost all self-respect and am on verge of losing someone dearer to me than my own life.

You’re right about what we meant/mean to each other. Honestly, I’ve felt that in certain cases, online/text messaging helps some people (especially introverts) communicate in ways that talks on phone and in person don’t. I’ve even experienced it with my cousin. When he’s here, we hardly talk but on FB we could chat for hours non-stop. Similar situation with her. I know how much she loves/loved me because not only she put up with all this atrocity from me without a single word until now, but she told my other friends that she loves me and never wants to lose me (as a brother). She went out of the way to create lavish gifts on my birthday and a festival celebrating the brother-sister bond of love.

I don’t know what chance I have for a relationship. My only wish at the present is to genuinely repent for my deeds, to be with her again at least as a friend. I truly don’t feel I deserve the latter until I can change myself for the better.