Dear Ravi:

Is your grandmother your main caretaker? Not your mother (or father)? For how long?

Let me see… First, your anger: there is a valid, a real, understandable, reasonable, making-sense message in your anger. The message needs to be heard and understood by you. When the message is delivered and as a result you change some things about your circumstances, the anger will weaken (its message has successfully been delivered).

You lost respect for yourself because of the expressions of your anger, and you not knowing sometimes where it came from and why it came out this way or that way?

Once you hear and understand the message, you will understand, and with self empathy, you will behave differently and respect yourself again.

This is why I asked the questions about your anger, trying to get to its message. So back to your grandmother (main caretaker? For how long?)- To calm her own fears of harm coming to you she is controlling your life: no driving! No going to friends’ houses! No going to the terrace! Never be late! Always watch the time! … And No college!

And no matter how much and how often you accommodated her fears, she keeps being afraid and keeps demanding control.

I think you want to be free. Is this the message behind your anger: leave me alone! Let me be! Go away!?

anita