Dear Ann:

You are suffering from an injury, a mental injury that is sending pain and confusion in so many directions and you are doubting yourself, not knowing, simply… not knowing. I hope this psychotherapist you are seeing is competent and will help you understand the injury and start the healing process.

Please pay attention, Ann: even if there is something wrong with you and you are … faulty and guilty and what not, this guy whom you call your “partner” is faulty and guilty himself. And he is not a good match for you. He has been and will continue to deepen the injury you are already suffering from.

The fact that you are confused and not well, does not make people outside of you healthy and loving and so forth. There is lots of sickness and harm that lots of people inflict on others.

He is not your partner, not in health. He is a partner to your sickness, to your confusion.

There is nothing I can do in this message to un-confuse you. It will be a process, over time. Any way I can help with the starting of the process, now that you are away from him (necessary for your healing, to be away from him)- let me know.

Once you are back to him- you choose more sickness.

Ann, try to accept your confusion and guilty feelings without believing your guilty feelings, but understanding that you are not well. And so, be gentle with yourself and attend good psychotherapy.

If you had a young child who was hurting, and that child had a “friend” who was beating up the young child whenever they got together, would you let that young child be in the physical presence of that “friend”?

What if the young child said to you: “But I love him. It is my fault he is beating me up! I am bad and I deserve it! it is not his fault he is beating me up, it is my fault!” Will you believe that young child and let him spend time with the “friend” for more beating?

anita