Dear flyby:

It is wrong and ineffective to ignore your anger for the purpose of forgiving. One’s goal in life should not be to forgive but to take good care of oneself. For the purpose of taking good care of yourself, you should listen to the valid messages behind your emotions. And your anger is a very important emotion because it has a very valid message every time you feel the anger.

You continue to feel angry at the man because you repeatedly ignore the message behind your anger. So what do you do? Aim at not feeling angry and forgiving or do you listen and respect the message behind the anger?

Your anger at him, the message, is it not, that he is hurting you, that you have been unable to set boundaries with him, and therefore you should have no contact with him?

If so, respect that message. Once you do, the anger having delivered its message- and trusting you to continue to respect the message over time- will weaken, dissipate. Message delivered. What do you think?

anita