Dear Ravi:

I can read your feelings of despair, great regret. And I read how intensely you disapprove of your behavior toward her when you were angry, when you automatically reacted to your rage. I understand loathing what you said to her, wishing you could take those words back. You would do a whole lot if there was something to do, so to take those words back.

Did you tell (write) her this, how much you regret those things you wrote to her and about her (what the psych student “friend” shared with her)? Did you tell her that you felt out of control when you said those words? Did you tell her it comes, this rage (intense anger) comes from a lifetime of you having been trained to be passive, to take abuse quietly?

Not as an excuse because abusing her cannot be justified by the reasons for your rage, as understandable and valid as they are, but so that she understands the depth of your regret?

And then, did you, or will you communicate with her that until you deal with your rage, rage built in you from way, way before you ever met her, you will do the right thing and have no contact with her. And then ask her if it would be okay, once you process your rage enough, once you build enough assertiveness with the people in your life, if it would be okay with her that you contact her again?

You can write to her that because your expressions of rage were so automatic and felt out of your control that you have to heal from that rage first, before you attempt to be friends with her again. Tell her how much you value her and her brotherly love for you. Tell her you value her so much that you will do everything you can to heal from your rage so to be worthy of her friendship?

Waiting for your answer.

anita