1. at home things were strained, there was a lot going on. but i being in a different world had projected that i have a great affluent family. to live up to the projection,i had created my own reality and lived in it. as u play the character , u start believing it to an extent. i also believed the myth in the background.

when i came home i saw, there were shortages, constrained relationships coz of money issues, people frustrated f their roles and venting ut on each other. it disturbed my own reality. i didn’t face rejection. intact i became the negotiator, the healer, who brought point of view of each other to family members, and was branded the mature guy.

what disturbed me the contrast between my projected family,which i accidentally believed in my role performance and the reality that existed.

2.i started towards a goal as getting it would make me look even good in world,s eyes. i would get all desired tags and then the projection would b more powerful. in a world of hostile egos, u need to b better. but even as an aspirant of the goal, i cudnt let go of the praise and appreciation. when i was in the class, i needed to draw the teacher’s attention by being the most curious,challenging student. if i did 40 then i wud project 60. i loved the argument,he is smart, has potential and will make it. this praise fed my hunger. and even before the goal was reached or not, i managed to get what i wanted…the attention and the praise.
at times when i myself believed my projction, i lost on the goal,as objectively their existed a gap.
when i didn’t get distracted by all this around i made it.

so both the goal setting and process of reaching it are based on the same premise of getting more appreciation,love and status in society. off late the process part has been dominant, so i m missing my goals. remember i turned into a student back in childhood only to get teachers friends and girls attention. it was one sure shot way to do it. academics. much has not changed since.

hope i clarified ur doubts. thanks