Dear Ravi:

I am not suggesting you use profanity and “do you want XYZ…” kind of talk with your grandmother or anyone. Learning to be assertive and practicing it is a skill and an art. It does not involve profanity and violent talk. It is respectful but forceful, strong. You can say to your grandmother: “Respectfully, I need some privacy right now. I will be closing the door (to your room, if there is one) and need you to not talk to me through the door. Do not enter the room unless you knock first and unless I say ‘come in'”- this is an example. Being assertive is not being aggressive as in using profanity and threatening physical violence and it is not being passive as in letting someone talk to you whenever they feel like talking to you and enter your room whenever they want.

Maybe you can read more about Assertiveness. It is a set of skills to learn and practice. And that will take care of the explosive anger, channel it into effective and appropriate (assertive) expressions.

It is not enough to use will power as to control yourself to never use profanity. You have to practice being assertive every day with the people who violate your boundaries and who hurt you. You have to practice both: control AND assertiveness.

Please do so and let me know how it works out for you. I am very curious!

anita