Dear Tugalie:

A child naturally feels emotional attachment, aka love toward one’s mother. A fawn/ very young deer follows its mother into and through the woods, follows her everywhere she goes because it is motivated by the same emotional attachment to its mother. The evolutionary purpose for this emotional attachment is the fawn’s survival. It follows its mother because she leads it toward its well being.

In humans, often, there is a perversion of nature. The mother, often enough, leads the child toward sickness, not well being. In nature, the mother deer does not turn against her fawn, biting it and beating it to the ground. Unfortunately for humans, this often happens.

So the human child naturally feels a strong emotional attachment to a mother that is injuring the child.

Your mother is hurting you, again and again. No matter how hard you tried to help her (a reversal of roles, since she is supposed to be helping you!), she keeps hurting you. It is cruel for her to threaten suicide- this is very scary for a child, who naturally feels this attachment to the mother, to hear this threat.

Leave her and cut contact. Never look back… but it will not be easy because of your natural attachment to her and because you are weak as a direct result of her abuse of you.

Leave her. What can be worse for you out there? If you can manage, out there, to eat enough just to survive, and if you can keep yourself warm enough to survive cold weather… and if you can keep yourself away from being sold as a sex slave or such thing, you would be better of, wouldn’t you?

There is no one more than a child, minor or adult, willing to see one’s mother in the best light, excusing her abuse, minimizing it, denying it, some or most, or all of the time, distorting reality so to feel relatively safe (“It’s not so bad..”)- but it is bad. Very bad for you to be trapped like this.

Freedom, seek it, aim at it.

Please write back. I would like to keep communicating with you!

anita