Sorry a little thing again. I wasn’t ready for a relationship when I met my partner I knew what as well. I wonder the whole time if it’s that feeling that never went away. Instead it have made me more confused. People have said that if it had worked you would have slowly begin to want to be in a relationship again. I wonder if that is true. I wonder that my fear of commiting has anything to do with it or that I have fear of commiting to him. I am sorry for my confusing thoughts. Maybe I am trying to find answers to something that does not need answers. Have I not been able to commit as I am not sure about this relationship. It is hard to live with all this doubt for myself. I never really felt that before.

I remember when I met my current partner he was everything my ex wasn’t so I thought that he would never hurt me or leave me. And he would not leave me. As far as I know. I wanted the opposite – but wonder if the opposite was good for me. If I would have taken the time to get back to myself and not hurried so in this relationship I would have made the right decision – and maybe that decision would have been that I didn’t need anyone at that moment in time. But it’s hard to say as I fell so strongly for him, yet maybe for all the wrong reasons.

Needing and wanting someone are two very different things.