That’s what I felt too, indeed. Regarding #1, all the time I used to get feelings like, “You’re no good. He’s her blood brother, he never hurt her unlike you, he always makes her happy in a way you never can. She’ll never love you like she loves him.” My friends used to keep pointing out the absurdity of this kind of thinking. After finding out about my feelings, even she said the same – we’re both good in our own ways and though blood family always gets priority, she loves me almost as much too and doesn’t like comparisons. But I could not get over the inferiority complex no matter how much I tried.

Point #2 is valid as well. It’s also what disturbs me the most. Not wanting someone to love even their own blood brother is one of the most disgusting things I can imagine. I was/am truly shocked to find myself thinking that way because normally my rational side would just say, “Of course she’ll love him and it’s wonderful that they share such a nice bond. She loves you so much too, despite having known you for just 3 years.” It kept screaming that in some corner, but the dragon in my head overpowered it and I kept having useless arguments for nearly the whole of February.

And almost abruptly, once I accepted that I love her as more than a sister, the jealousy crumbled and became easy to control. I don’t understand why. Maybe because the plug was in the wrong socket all along… since I still thought of myself as her brother, my primal brain sensed a “competitor” who could take away from me someone very precious to me? Based on my elementary understanding of evolutionary psychology. But now I am on the verge of losing her due to this same behaviour. 🙁 I nearly have turned my extreme fear of losing her into a self-fulfilling prophecy. After our discussion, I’m wondering if the roots of all this are due to my upbringing. Because of my lack of self-confidence and lack of self respect due to all the fiasco that my temper caused, my inner self feels I’m not good enough for her and might never have my heart’s only true wish come true… that’s why it reacts to all perceived and real threats in this manner?

I messaged her festival greetings and she’s not replied yet. Feeling really depressed.