Yes that’s what. I wish I was different… that I had no anger issues and all. But what’s done is done and now I’m finding it extremely hard to control. Once again the temper is getting the better of me. I had messaged Jerry festival greetings with much hope and spent the whole day looking at my silent new message-less phone with false hopes. I made the mistake of going to our forum and looking at her new posts there… posts we normally used to make together. Heck, even if I find a random 2014 or 2015 date scribbled in my notebook or somewhere, I find myself thinking “that was the time when she was still with me.” Right now again my parents started the “you’re living only for studying like all other students” lecture. I’m going into deeper depression than anyone can imagine and spent the whole day locked in my room alone. My parents were speaking among themselves something like, “See? He’s giving priorities to other things and stopped studying again. He’ll not pass the exams again. All our hard efforts will be wasted.” I’m getting extremely irritated and angry at small things again (like grandma pestering me to have food) and whatever little I had progressed over the last week is crashing down.

My friends tell me “don’t worry about Jerry, one day you will find ‘the one’ meant for you”. Of course people will feel I’m just immature and just infatuated with her… how can anyone understand what she means to me, including her? How can I tell anyone that she is “the one” and I will never love anyone else like I love her? It’s easy enough to say stuff like go out, meet other people, there are so many girls in the world and eventually find the right one, you’re just inexperienced that’s why you’re saying this, first love isn’t always correct, etc etc. Firstly I just was never interested in romance/dating and I had never set out to find “the one”. I may not be a love guru or anything, but I trust my inner message as to what she means to me. I know we did not meet and grow close for no reason. I know I will never love anyone else the way I love her. I know even if faced with temptations to love someone else, I’ll forever follow the right path and not the easy one. She has my loyalty and my love forever. I either want to be with her, or go to the grave with my heart’s desire unfulfilled. No middle path.

Sorry for the outburst, but I’m in terrible depression from yesterday and all the people who had promised to be with me forever, I find them sending just smileys or a “hmmmm” or “I don’t know, you do what you feel right” when I confide my feelings to them. Not flattering Anita but its only you, whom I’ve known for barely a week, who’s been most understanding to me in this darkest phase of my life.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 8 months ago by ravi_zimmerfan.