Dear Ravi;

Regarding asserting yourself with your grandmother and mother (you didn’t write about your father bugging you in any way… maybe he is passive, following the strong- and unreasonable- women in his life…) – this is most difficult. Your care about being non abusive should be strongest with innocent others. Problem is your grandmother and mother are not innocent parties to your anger. Without them doing what they have done all these years, there wouldn’t be an anger problem for you.

So, i wouldn’t feel guilty for expressing my anger at them strongly, firmly (but still, of course, no physical violence or abusive words). Repeat”:” leave me alone!” after each time they repeat: “Study!”

Every time you hear “Study!” say: “Leave me alone” or “Stop talking to me.” or “I need you to not talk to me for two hours, it is now 3 PM, so not talking to me until 5 PM”- or such thing, you choose.

Regarding the dismal chances of marriage with Jerry, something you called a miracle, if it happens and that it is something to worry about later… well, don’t worry about it then, but keep it in mind. She had it in her mind the whole time: isn’t it why she kept her feelings brother-sister, or tried to..and why she blocked you when she had evidence that you were in love with her?

So even if you worry about it later, realize: she has been worried about it all along. It has always been a problem in the present, not the future. Because it was so for her.

anita