E,

I’m sorry for the difficulty you’ve been experiencing, it can be confusing when we see someone who loved us move away physically or emotionally. I admire your courage and dedication, your willingness to work it out. Your heart seems very powerful!

A teacher once told me that it isn’t the dedication that holds a union together, but two people sharing a compatible view. When we look at the world, our goals, our intentions, our emotions, do they match the same views of our partner? Where they are different, does it add strength to the intimacy or weaken it?

It sounds like you became swept into the dream of a husband and wanted to stick it out despite many off-again on-again moments. He doesn’t seem to share that same vision. You noticed his unwillingness to communicate, and how both of you were holding back more and more. Those actions choke intimacy.

Intimacy doesn’t have to be a struggle. It requires work and constancy, but with each blip that disrupts our openness we can grow closer. This requires communication and compromise. You sound willing, he does not. It doesn’t cheapen the moments that were amazing between you two, but it does indicate the intimacy has eroded.

Perhaps as you move on, the learning you’ve been through will help you in the next connection. When we stay open, even when it hurts, the pain teaches us so much that our hearts learn and grow wise. When we stay open and it does not hurt, we are rewarded by a sacred union of beauty and oneness with our partner.

With warmth,
Matt