Jo,

My goodness. I admit I needed to rest with your story for awhile to overcome an anger that arose for the man who did such things. That type of deception is such a terrible thing to have to go through, and I’m sorry on behalf of good men everywhere. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

First and foremost, this seems like a time to grieve, rather than “figuring it all out”. Your body has a lot to process, maybe you could spend some time being hugged by close friends? Soft music, warm water, or maybe somewhere in nature that you enjoy?

It will heal in time, and your body reacting in the way it is sounds to me like it is shucking the garbage. You may be able to help it with a zen trick. Consider screaming and cursing, flailing around on your bed, or going to a gym and punching a bag. It could really help your body vent it out.

I hope you find peace in the upcoming weeks, and you’ll be in my prayers.

With warmth,
Matt