Hi Leina… when I read your post I honestly thought I had written each and every word without realizing it… how I empathize with you. It has to be worse than grieving a death…because there is no body to bury and the object of your grief is still out there and as you said…looking like they’re doing great without you. I too am in the same position and only hours ago had a tsunami of emotion leaving me sobbing uncontrollably in my car and along with that this almost irrisistable urge to contact him to ask him why… to get my power back…as I feel that I handled it (the breakup) so badly (for myself) that I just desperately want to feel at least a little bit, that I had some say in it and that he doesn’t look back and think I am a fruit cake is relieved to be rid of me… God the pain of it can be unbearable at times…….. so instead of sending an emotionally charged e mail (as I have done before 🙁 ) I wrote it all down on paper..uncensored… everything.. the good the bad and the ugly (and I’m afraid to say most of it was the ugly) when I say uncensored, I mean that when I tried to contact him before I would unconsciously try to say what I imagined he would like to hear, and in doing that, I never did get to tell him how I really felt… but I wrote this one and didn’t send it. I just lit a candle beside it and went to bed and slept for 2 hours, exhausted.. I have literally just woken up and feel strangely ok.. and also relieved I didn’t contact him…as I know I would have been furious with myself for butting in on his life when I know he probably doesn’t even think of me any more (it’s 6 months since we broke up…) but don’t be disheartened Leina.. this is quite a journey and you WILL discover so many things about yourself and what is more important, you will learn how to love yourself….and it does get easier..if you are determined to learn from it. But don’t be hard on yourself. Let every single thing that comes up for you,no matter how awful it seems to you, come into your awareness….don’t judge it.. just watch it.. .feel where it is in your body..and it will pass. You sound strong… you will do this.. and 2 years is a long time to spend loving someone. Courage! and much Love… Anni