Hey, I know exactly how you feel. The same thing happened to me 8 weeks ago tonight. We had arguments, we were together for two years, we had planned our futures, he completely devoted himself to me but after a few arguments things he gave up on us and said he wanted time to find himself. I can’t even describe the pain but I know those feelings of complete blackness all to well.

Everyone told me the same thing, to accept it, to move on, that he wasn’t good enough and that it would eventually get better. But I wouldn’t believe any of it I couldn’t imagine anything ever getting better, I couldn’t imagine anyone else in the world being better than him. I went no contact for myself for a while but it made it worse. I managed to make it 30 days though before texting him and he was overly friendly but it also dashed any hopes that i had. I realised he was happy with his decision and so that hope i had held onto for 4 weeks was banished. I had a panic attack and my family (who have been incredible) told me they were going to get me help as I was just getting worse.

The night after i contacted him i had a dream and woke up to another panic attack. My mum, who has been an angel in this, sat me down, looked at me and said ‘it’s over, it is over, he is happy, it hurts but it’s the truth, you need to be happy now,’ It doesn’t sound like much but at that point those were the words that (although i’d heard them before) were what I needed and I felt like a huge weight was lifted. The next morning i woke and for the first time something had changed. We were still texting occasionally but i had power because i wasn’t texting him back often, it was my choice as to whether we communicated or not.

You will have heard it before but trust me, please please trust me when i say that one day this pain won’t be as raw and slicing as it is now. I know that you probably can’t stop crying and screaming, and that you need to hold yourself sometimes and clutch your stomach or your chest because you feel so suffocated and trapped in your life and what he has done to you. But you are an amazing person, you didn’t give up on the relationship, he did, you will never have regrets because you were the one who tried. In many ways that makes you the strong person even though you may not feel that strength now. He is the weak one, he gave up, it’s as simple as that. I’m sure he loves you still but he isn’t strong enough for you.

Just go with the pain, when you need to cry just let it out. You are healing with every day that passes and eventually the pain will lessen, it will still hurt but you’ll be happy in other ways and you’ll be able to appreciate that you are no longer in that dark place that you never think you’ll be able to escape from. It will change you in a positive way as well, you’ll be so strong when you come through this. Remember to always hold on, float through this stage, take each day at a time and i promise you you’ll be ok.

There is always hope for happiness again xx