Angela,

I really like how you’re looking at this from multiple perspectives, and trying to understand the right path. Marriage or not marriage seems like the question, but it also seems irrelevant. There are the social conveniences of being married, and that’s about it.

Unless of course there is something you’re not saying? A deep yearning for it? For instance, if you quiet your mind and ask your heart, does it want it or not? From a Buddhist sense, it really does not make a difference. The important part is your dedication to the intimacy you share with him, which is something you’re already committed to do. Said differently, you seem like you’re married in all but paper, so the pros and cons of the paper are social. My only concern is that when the heart and mind disagree, if the mind wins at first the heart isn’t swayed. If you really want it, and he convinces you (or you convince yourself for him) it could be problematic later on.

It really is up to you!

With warmth,
Matt