Rm056789,

Is that your real name? No wonder you’ve been robotic in action if you were named so! 🙂

It sound like you’re experiencing burnout. If you’re 3 years into a PhD, you’re not that far from being a Doctor. This will give a lot of freedom to you! Is there really no career or life path that the PhD relates to that you would enjoy doing?

Do you self-nurture? Sometimes when we are overly stressed, we feel we are on autopilot and everything becomes a chore. Its possible that you’re just in the wrong place, but it is also possible your stress is turning everything you’re doing into a painful experience. The solution varies per individual, but sometimes all we need to do is remember how to play.

One Zen trick is to get in front of a mirror and act goofy. Cluck like a chicken, wave your arms around, speak nonsense and look at how ridiculous you are! We forget sometimes how playful life can be, and we knit our brows and become sooo serious. There’s a kid in there under the numbers, and perhaps that kid needs a little space to play. 🙂

Here’s a joke:
A student walks into a monetary and approaches the master. “If I join your sangha, how long until I become enlightened?”

“Ten years” the master says.

“What if I double my efforts and work really hard?”

“Twenty years.”

With warmth,
Matt