Hi Anca,

First of all, I really admire and respect the fact that YOU made the decision to seperate from your friends and family to really find yourself. I believe that it was the right decision because it was YOUR decision and no one else’s. It takes a tremendous amount of strength and courage to do what you did. I don’t think, however, you gave yourself enough time to be on your own. You may think you have, but look at you now: No disrespect, but you’re practically crawling on your hands and knees back to this guy, begging to get back together! That is not an indicator of a person who is happy with herself and independent, but the opposite.
I know you’re not alone, Anca, because I, too, know what it feels like to have other people run your life and influence you into making decisions that aren’t your own, decisions that your heart isn’t fully invested in.
I’ve been single for about four months now, the longest I’ve been without a mate since I first started dating back when I was 18 (I’m 22 now). This has been I guess a not-so-surprisingly difficult transition for me, but you know something? Every day it gets a little bit easier and the reward insurmountable: you learn how to be alone and more importantly how to make yourself happy without having to rely on others. Granted, I’m still a work in progress, I still have a long way to go before I’m totally okay with myself. But you learn about what makes you happy and the liberating feeling of being single and not having to be tied down to or controlled by anyone. You feel like you have all the power and potential in the world to do whatever it is you want to do! It really is a liberating feeling. It’s sweet freedom. Consider yourself lucky, if you can, that things didn’t go according to plan. When one door closes, another one opens, as they say. And don’t be sad that it ended. Rather, be happy that it happened. Go out with friends, feel the love they have for you. Meet new people, ’cause there’s plenty of them out there who are just as great as your ex-boyfriend who can teach you so much and who you can impress upon, as well. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and it’s there waiting for you to discover it. Take all the time in the world to heal the wound that this incident has caused you, and do it in a healthy, constructive way like going to the gym! Write down your feelings if you have to so that you know what it is you’re feeling. You have a way about your writing that tells me that you have a good head on your shoulders, that you’re very introspective, and that you’ll be okay.

I hope you find this helpful. 🙂 I wish you nothing but the best.
~A friend