Pat,

It is very difficult in deed! It is because of your life of service and willingness to grow that such a teacher like your sister offers you freedom… you just don’t see it yet. Be patient!

There is a story of the buddha, smiling at one who was very angry and yelling at the Buddha. When the man says “why do you smile at me, don’t you see I’m angry!” The Buddha replied: If I were to wrap up a present and offer it to you, would you accept it? The man said of course not. The Buddha said, “in that case, who would own the present?” The man said “you would of course.” The Buddha then said “in the same way, I refuse your anger and therefore it stays yours.”

Said differently, you consider “letting go” to be dependent on your sister, and to have something to do with her, where she “makes you angry” because she “doesn’t hear” you. However, your anger is hurting you. It is fiery and corrosive, you have noticed how much your mind has churned and churned and suffered. I am not offering this to your sister, for her benefit, it is for you.

It would never occur to you to shake your daughter and say “why won’t you stop having MS, it is difficult”… yet you consider shaking your sister and saying “why won’t you stop being like you are, it is difficult.” It is not only foolish and unrealistic, but also gives the keys to your inner peace to her.

Instead, you can deal with the anger directly once you stop falsely accusing your sister for “creating” your anger. You wanted to be heard, weren’t, felt unloved, and the result is you feel angry. If you spoke to a deaf man and he didn’t hear you, wouldn’t the anger be foolish! When we try to talk to people who are caught up in their own junk, they are not in a place to hear us. It is sad for them! Imagine how isolating it must be for your sister to have such rigid thinking and deep judgement.

When your sister says those things to you, you have the option to simply see her delusion and not take in the present she offers. In that way it stays about her. Instead, though, you take it as proof that your sister isn’t what you hoped, and that disappointment makes you angry. Not your sister. Your disappointment.

There is a notion taught to me called “negative negativity” where our anger becomes so strong we think it is justified and it tries to force us into acting from a place of anger to “balance the scales of justice.” This has to be killed, smashed, destroyed. Bring the potency of your will against it and cut the cycle down.

Letting go is about you. Your peace of mind. Your healing. You getting the joy you deserve from your lifetime of effort. Don’t let your mind fool you that you need something from your sister to get peace, you only need to set down the torch.

With warmth,
Matt