Home→Forums→Spirituality→Absend Mindness
- This topic has 2 replies, 2 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 12 months ago by
Sairocks007.
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 12, 2013 at 6:42 am #42106
Sairocks007
ParticipantI am a student studying in 10th standard (15 years old).I think i am very introverted and i don’t have much friends in my class.My problem is that i think a lot.Most of the time i am absent minded.I live in a spiritual family and my father used to watch a lot of spiritual videos and read spiritual books.I also got interested in this matter and i also started reading them expecting that it would make my life more happier.Many of the concepts told in those books like “maya or delusion” ,re-birth,ceiling on desires etc confused me..I started contemplating on it and got confused.Then i read many books on this topic and i got confused again and again.
The concepts like ‘the ultimate aim of human life is to realize that God and we are one(salvation)’ made me think that my current actions are wrong fearing that they are delusions.Earlier i was very devoted to God and used to sing Bhajans and vedas.I was also doing well in my studies.But now I am very unhappy and confused.I could not concentrate on my studies.I found my life very dull and boring.Everyday i wake up with some unknown fear.
At many times i forget that i am living and imagining that i am living in a world of delusions.Some times i went to bed crying.I feel so lonely.All my classmates are doing well where i am not able to concentrate well.One day i mind goes blank and couldn’t concentrate on anything.My life is becoming miserable now.I am not able to study well after this problem.I became very lazy also.Most of the time i am unhappy and i start spending a lot of time sleeping because it helped me to get rid of my problems with mind.With my constant anxiety my body feels weak and started having stomach problems like indigestion and acidity.I also feels to hate God.But still i pray to God to get rid of this problem but i cannot fully devout to my prayers.I have a habit of talking to myself.Sometimes i hate myself for my nature.My classmates are all cheerful.
My parents have provided me with all the facilities and i feel very bad for not studying because there are millions who are living in poverty and who only dream of school.I am not happy.That is the main problem.Even handicapped people are happy! I have a good name in my school and i was doing well all these years.The life was really beautiful for me.But now i doubt everything and always i am afraid of something.I have discussed this matter with my parents as i always do.They have tried to explain me things.But my mind still ask me questions and put me into trouble.
I feel very very alienated when i go to school.I feel like all my classmates are treating me like a stranger.My mind is always telling me things like re-birth.I am always confused about everything,the meaning of life,whether my actions are wrong in spiritual sense etc. Please help me.
Regards,
Sai hari krishnan
September 12, 2013 at 8:07 am #42112Matt
ParticipantSai,
I’m sorry for the difficulties you’re wrestling with, and at such a young age! Your courage to dive deeper and deeper into the nature of reality is inspiring. That being said, you’re very young to be trying to look at some of these ideas, and your brain is still developing the capacity to see the interweaving. As you grow, the frontal lobe develops, and makes a lot of what you’re exploring easier. A few things came to heart as I read your words.
Perhaps what you’re experiencing is sometimes called “emptiness sickness” or looking at reality and harvesting a sense of meaninglessness. This is often troubling when an unprepared mind begins to try to understand some of the ideas you’re talking about. It is easy to think “yes, it is all illusion, therefore nothing matters” but this is inherently false. One of my teachers said “it might be illusion, but if you step in front of a bus you will still experience pain.” There is still cause and effect, even if what we experience is empty of inherent meaning or lasting qualities.
For instance, look at hunger. Our body needs food to survive, and when it doesn’t have food it feels a desire to eat. If we start thinking “oh god, I am so hungry, I am miserable, there is no food I want in the refrigerator, this is endless” then it is good to look at the emptiness of the hunger and see it is just impermanent, here because the body needs food. However, it is not good to apply it to the food and say “that is empty and meaningless, it can’t help my hunger because it is illusion”. The food is not empty… its empty of additional qualities, such as “pizza is good food” and “lima beans are bad food” but it is genuinely, truly food.
The path away from your maze is to drop the maze. Let go of the philosophical words you’ve been reading, for now, and begin to self nurture. Be kind and gentle with yourself. It matters, you matter. Go for a walk in nature, take a bath with soft music, go find a game you enjoy and play it. If we spend too much time in the mind, cycling around difficult unknowns, we burn out the warmth inside us and become sad, depressed, sloven, uncomfortable, and nihilistic.
One of the most nurturing things I’ve personally found is metta meditation. Ajahn Brahm has a great guided meditation on YouTube that helps develop the warmth inside. Metta is wonderful, because it does two things simultaneously. First is it revitalizes the warm spirit that is inside each of us, the divine spark, which is deeply nourishing to our body. Second, it dramatically reduces the mental agitation we have. It is important for our mind to become settled enough that we can concentrate on what is important. For instance, in algebra class it is much more important to focus on algebra than maya. Sure, you might not use algebra long term, but it provides you what you need in the moment. Similar to the way that after we eat food, it becomes poop, but still provides us needed nourishment, helps our body prepare for the journey ahead.
Finally, please be patient with yourself. Our curiosity naturally moves us to want to “know what it all means”, but that is something that grows slowly over time. There’s no rush, you are really young. Take time to play, to connect with others, to see the beauty in the world around you. Your body has genuine desires and needs, and it is through honoring them, not denying them, that we find the truth we seek. Namaste.
With warmth,
MattSeptember 13, 2013 at 2:19 am #42171Sairocks007
ParticipantThank you very much for your reply.
-
AuthorPosts