Accidental Catfishing

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This topic has 19 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 9 months ago by Anonymous.

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February 21, 2018 at 10:32 am #193745

Anonymous
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Dear Louise:

It is my understanding, my best guess, that he probably did enjoy your company, that he felt good with you. But he also feels ashamed being in your company, ashamed of being with a woman he thinks is physically unattractive (you mentioned that he made comments about your body size). When he stated to the imaginary other woman online that he was with you because he was able to have sex with you anytime he wanted, he didn’t realize that this very thing he stated is shameful. it is, as far as I am concerned, if I was reading his… defense for being with you.

I understand feeling (not being) responsible for another, even if that other person is disrespectful and even abusive. And I understand loneliness very well. And yet, when someone clearly expressed feeling ashamed for being with you, my goodness, how do you overcome it. I suppose you could share with him that you were on the other side of the computer and see how he responds. There is a slight chance of him being honest with you. Are you considering letting him know?

anita

February 21, 2018 at 1:49 pm #193773

Louise
Participant

No I don’t think any good would come from telling him.

I guess in a way I was wondering if I could seperate the things he said about me regarding our romantic relationship into something different from our friendship

But I guess either was he has been disrespectful about me and made a bit of a joke of me which hurts

February 22, 2018 at 8:37 am #193895

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Louise:

The things he said about you was about you. You are not two different people, one a friend, the other a girlfriend. What he said about you as a girlfriend is something he said about you as either a friend or a girlfriend. It was disrespectful to you.

anita

February 23, 2018 at 6:54 am #194055
Louise
Participant
You’re right Anita

I think I’ve just realised that even if for whatever reason he was not attracted to me or found my health hard to deal with in our romantic relationship, that alone does not make him a bad person.

But he should have enough respect for me as a friend to not have ever said the things he said to another person, especially a complete stranger on the interned. And to say them in such derogatory language and laugh about it.

He says he cares about me as a friend, hut I think he looks at me as a crutch until he finds his next ” victim ” and as a personal therapist and someone to talk to about his problems.

He does listen to my problems occasionally which I feel like probably a lot greater than his but the conversation is soon turned back onto himself

And I guess if he really does believe that I would get back with him at the drop of a hat, he probably finds that’s good for his ego to have me around.

Does it make me weak to still worry about him and his depression and and wellbeing?.

I guess I’ve made excuses for his selfish behaviour both while we were together in a relationship and now as friends because of his depression, but either way I know I don’t deserve that treatment.

think I’ve put his well-being out of my own though and I guess that is not healthy.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Louise.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Louise.
February 23, 2018 at 7:21 am #194063

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Louise:

You wrote: “Does it make me weak to still worry about him and his depression and wellbeing?”

I think that worrying weakens us physically. Operating against our well-being, one way of doing so is interacting with people who disrespect us, also weakens us.

He disrespected you in very hurtful ways. Let him suffer the natural consequence of viciously disrespecting the woman who was kind to him. If you withdraw from him and let him know why, he may learn to not disrespect a person who has been kind and loving to him. That may help him.

anita
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