Hello everyone, my story is the following.

I was in a relationship for about 2 years with a girls everything started during a holiday back in 2015 where by then I could not speak a word in english and she was not so much better then me. She was 10 years older (Sara) and after a few month of long distance relationship she moved into my country.We lived together for about 1 years and after that we moved together in London. We then lived together for another 2  years  but somehow I felt our story was not moving I felt everything was going flat. I ended up cheating on her and full of guilt to what I did, I told her, adding that I wasn’t felling well in our relationship so was better to separate. She was upset, but despite that she decide to forgive me asking to work together to make the relationship as it was once. I decided to give it another go even if my heart was kind of telling me to not to. And then about 4 month later my answer arrived. I met a girl and my heart skip a good few bits. She was stunning. Somehow, we started to chat, and she gave me her  social. I felt finally the butterfly into my hart. Jenna was in a 6 year relationship and we even ended up to spend the new ear eve all 4 of us.  2 month me and Jenna we end up making love ( the best experience of my life so far) we really click together. There was so much chemistry and the feeling of being in love made my walk above the cloud. it made sense to my life again. It really felt so good. After that I spoke with Sara and told her that I could not longer carry on with our story as my feeling did not change and I told her I was in love with Jenna.

Jenna was as well like sara older than me(12 years) and after the first time we made love she broke up with her Boyfriend too and not long after we went to live together.

It was mad love i though she was the one and that I would have married her.

Obviously just in the movies love stories end up like that. In the first 3 month  of our 3 year long relationship It felt like a disney story then the trip to the roller-coaster began.

We start to fight, and I come to my old habit of smoking weed and she too. We had so much in commun but It wasn’t working. however none of the 2 was willing to end the relationship. First , the sex was amazing from both side and for me despite everything i was madly in love with her.

After 1 year we decide to quit our job, and go in an adventure which would take us to travel 8000 km by bicycle and sleep in a tend under the star for 8 month.  The first time I’ve experience pure freedom. Moreover, I was so in love. it felt like magic. on a side note the fight were still present and the circle was fight made pace and make love. we end it up to arrive back in my country. Where she did not feel good and start to act with jealousy towards my cousin and my step sister.( I never met my father and lived my life with my mother granny and aunt and during our bicycle journey I found him on facebook sent him a message but no answer from him. who answered was my step sister which I didn’t knout she was even existing) which I met after 30 years.

We then came back to London, together and went to live in one of my friend house. She contacted her ex boss which gave her a job but did not make her a contract, while she asked if there was a position for myself and i got hired in her previous work place. Then covid hit, and she decide to blame me as she was now without a contract while me, purely by luck I got one so I was getting payed without need to ask for  benefit. The all situation was not nice as she wasn’t entitled to receive any benefit. I did help her paying the rent.I  even wire her a 1000£ as she request saing, that “it was only thank to her I was in a better situation then she”. Despite everything,  after a while she decide that she was not happy so she broke up with me and went to live somewhere else. I was devastated. This did not last to long and 2 moth after went back to live together , we remained like that until the 20 of december 2020( +6 months) and she then broke up again with me . I went to live with a friend of mine for 2 weeks the worst Christmas and New Years of my life. Since then we both live separate houses. they are not to far appart, so we kept to having sex from time to time. We did both had other short relationship, but ended up to having sex with each other despite all.  We still now carry on to seeing each other once a week to have fun.   However it does make me feel upset as she is weird. She would look for me and then she would disappear. For some reason I can’t discuss, I see her frequently at her work place and her behaviour is mean and not considerate of me . I get it she don’t see me as a boyfriend, cool but is like she get the cake anyway whenever she want because I’m so dumb and it feel so good that I’m craving for it ( her company in the bed and out)

Honestly I feel so depressed from time to time and she is always in the back of my mind.  Is been already 2 years and I can’t move on.

any advice?

Meanwhile I whish u a beautiful day beautiful soul <3